Conversations with Smiths- Part 21

I have a difficult time paying attention in church. Okay, I have a difficult time paying attention anywhere. Benjamin and I sitting next to one another is a particularly bad combination. Sometimes Todd separates the two of us if a speaker is particularly challenging to listen to.

It's a problem.

Adding to the problem is that our current congregation has a tradition of being pretty lousy at special programming for major holidays. Perhaps it feels worse for Todd and me because we grew up in churches with fabulous holiday programming. We've been here eleven years, you'd think we'd stop getting our hopes up by now. But, no.

This past Sunday was particularly painful because one of the few Christmas carols we were going to sing as a congregation was skipped when the undoubtedly nervous speaker rushed to the podium and began speaking before the organist made it to the organ. So the Bishopric let her talk and decided to skip the hymn altogether.

I was not pleased. And then the speaker as she told a scripture story described some of the people as "not righteous and wicked".

And Benjamin and I went into "we have the attention span of gnats and are obnoxious to boot" mode and this happened.


Benjamin: #NotRighteous #Wicked 

Me: #SameThing #Redundant

Benjamin: #SacramentMeetingTalk

Me: #NotReallyPayingAttention #ShouldBeSingingTheFirstNoel #Bitter

Todd [leaning over in between Benjamin and me]: #SHHHH!

Benjamin: #Roasted #DadBurn

Conversations with Smiths- Part 20

'Tis the Season for White Elephant gift exchanges!

Todd and I used to attend so many of these each year, that I began keeping a box in the basement full of things to give at such a party. That way throughout the year as I was cleaning out, I could easily donate to the box and then not have to scramble to find something ridiculous the day before the party. It was already in my handy-dandy box!

We haven't really gone to as many of the type of parties where white elephant gifts are exchanged over the last few years, which means I haven't really looked in the box for a while.

Last night my boys informed me that after the play they were going to, the party was going to have a white elephant exchange and what on earth could they possibly give???

They looked amazed when I told them of "The Box". Without checking the contents, I brought it upstairs and put it on the table so they could find what they wanted, which is how the following conversation happened:

Benjamin: Are those condoms??

Me: Crap! Yes. But, you can NOT give condoms past their expiration date as a white elephant present!

Nathaniel: But, why not? That would be hysterical!

Me: You can NOT give out expired condoms to anybody, but especially teenagers.

Benjamin: Because they're not as effective. Ha! They're even "ultra-thin", so twice as likely to break!

Nathaniel: But white elephant gifts are supposed to be useless. So, why can't we give those?

Me: Nathaniel, teenagers who are in possession of a condom and also in need of a condom aren't very likely to double check the expiration date in the heat of the moment.

Nathaniel: Hm. Well, most of them are too young to be having sex anyway. 

Me: Yes, but if you take 36 condoms to a party, odds are good they aren't all going home with the same person. Also, you are a freshman. Do you really want the rest of your high school career to be colored with the memory of you as "that kid who brought 36 expired ultra-thin trojans" to a party?

[Me quickly scrambling through box to make sure there's nothing else inappropriate for them to take.]

Me: Good grief, there are so many condoms in this box!!

Nathaniel: That's honestly something I never expected to hear my mother say. 

Me: Then you haven't known your mother very long.

Benjamin: Nathaniel, you should just take the bottle of hot sauce called "Rectal Rocket Fuel".

Nathaniel: I don't know. That's kind of embarrassing. 

Conversations with the Smiths- Part 2

I've already told this one on facebook, so sorry if it's a repeat to you, but it's a great snapshot into the psyche of 12 year old Nathaniel these days. That is to say disturbing and brilliant.

A few weeks ago at the dinner table Nathaniel jokingly said that he had a wife and 19 kids, then a few minutes later referred to his wife and 17 kids.

Me: Wait. What happened to the other two kids? You said 19 before. Now there are only 17?

Nathaniel: [Not evening missing a beat] Soylent Green baby food. Obviously.

Me: [Alternating wildly between being completely appalled and completely proud and amused by my son's wit played out with slightly guilty and uncontrollable laughter]

Nathaniel: Speaking of Soylent Green, do you think they mix the eyeballs right in, or save those for other things?

Benjamin: Like what?

Nathaniel: Salads?

Me: Actually, the sclera makes it very difficult to cut into an eyeball.

Everyone at the table: [Looks at my remark with horror (except Nathaniel, who is intrigued)]

Benjamin: WHY do you know that??

Nathaniel: Like how difficult?

Me: Well-

Todd: COULD WE PLEASE NOT DISCUSS THIS AT THE DINNER TABLE??

Me: Hm. 

Caleb: [Singing] "You know we love our Soylent Green!"

Everyone at the table except Todd who was looking for a Tupperware in the kitchen so he could pack his lunch for the next day and possibly avoiding us and the current dinner conversation: "Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime!"

This song is the reason my kids even know what Soylent Green is. (Spoiler alert: "It's people!")

Seven Things Sunday

1. The kids were supposed to go back to school this week. Just like last year right after winter break, the kids had one day off built in to the calendar and then ended up getting two more off thanks to snow and frigid temperatures. This actually worked out well for us, since we happened to have orthodontist appointments on the first snow day, and annual physicals on the second day off. So, my kids didn't have to miss any school to go to those appointments! They were less pleased with this outcome than I was.

2. Caleb got braces this week! I now have three kids in braces at the same time and I pretty much just look away when I pay my bill at each visit. He's done remarkably well with them, though, and was so in love with having his palate expander out that he pretty much looked like he was french kissing himself because he was so happy to have his tongue reach the roof of his mouth for the first time in forever!

3. Lilyanna signed up to join a French class with other 3-5 year olds here in the neighborhood. We haven't attended the first lesson, but she's excited for it! (We've been listening to French language lesson CDs in the car to and from preschool for the last few weeks, so she told me today that since she's going to be going to French class, she doesn't need to pay attention in the car anymore.)

4. I have discovered how wonderful an electric blanket can be in the winter time. My electric bill may be waaaaaay up from this past week of super coldness.

5. There are so many fun book challenges going around right now. I am a voracious reader, so the challenges that are just a number, don't really stretch me. I'm considering this one, though. There are a couple of tricky ones on it for me. For instance, I read every book in school that I was supposed to read. My cousin's wife's take on that was to just read one that other people read in high school that she never read even though it wasn't assigned.

6. The boys and I played the board game "Ticket To Ride" the other night. Caleb, who doesn't usually play games with us, anniahliated the rest of us. I nearly wet my pants several times throughout the game thanks to supreme silliness on the part of my boys. So much laughing! Much of it because of the audio recording of the book "Mr. And Mrs. Bunny Detectives Extraordinaire". If you haven't listened to it, you should!

7. We took all of Christmas down yesterday finally. I always try to leave it up until Jan. 6th at least, but even with all the snow days, we weren't able to take care of all of it until yesterday finally.  I'm always sad to put it all away. Everything looks very bare and utilitarian without it. It also makes it so I see all the things that need to be fixed or painted that were hidden by the relative splendor of extra decorations up on the walls, etc. Ah, well.

Happy Sunday!

Happy Shrieking

Our family loves to play games.  We received 2 games from Todd's parents for Christmas.

The first was Story Cubes.

We played this one last night after dinner and had a fun time making up stories together.  What we did not expect was how much Lilyanna would enjoy this.  And she was GOOD at it.  She understood what to do almost immediately!  We were frankly surprised at what a good story teller she is and especially how well she incorporated the visual prompts from the cubes into her stories!

The second game was Suspend. 

 Again, we all enjoyed it, but didn't anticipate just how much Lilyanna would.  Here is a video of her and Todd playing earlier this evening.  (Warning: if you watch this, you'll want to turn the sound down!)

"On Christmas Day in the Morning!"

Thanks to facebook and the like, you're probably all tired of seeing everyone's Christmas pictures.  But as this is my blog and you actually clicked over to it, I can put however many picture I want.  

Lilyanna is at that fun age where Christmas is a magical time of year.  It's been a delight to see her excitement and enthusiasm about this holiday season.  (And sometimes a little exhausting.  Emotions have been running pretty high with all the intensity of her excitement.) 

Our Christmas day was relaxing and low-key.  Last year, we decided that everyone could only give one present to everyone else.  Including me and Todd.  It significantly changed how I thought about and bought for people, but it many ways has made the experience nicer for all of us. 

In past years Lilyanna has been timid about tearing wrapping paper.  NOT SO this year!  She happily tore into her own presents and the presents of anyone else who would let her help them!

Nathaniel holding up some of his haul.  This was the first year he didn't get upset when Todd gave him a pretend present first.  (In the past we've always done socks and underwear and watched him throw a fit.  This year he handled it gracefully, which means we probably won't tease him like that anymore.  So sad.

All things princessy.

Caleb with all 11 of the incarnations of Doctor Who in minifigure form.  Happy day!

The ultimate!  Nathaniel has been begging for Minecraft for years now! I finally gave in for this Christmas.  He was truly surprised and has hugged and thanked me every day since then for this present.

Caleb is ditto with the hugging and thanking on a daily basis thing.

Three Smithly Batmen in their pjs.

What they all did when I said, "Now do a Batman face!"

Merry Christmas from the Smiths!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas....sort of

I never remember to take before pictures of the house before Christmas, even though I love looking at it.  So, at 2:30 am Christmas Day after everything was done, I snapped a few pictures before crawling up to bed.  The home decorating magazines will never be alerted, but this is what Christmas looks like at our house.

I give the kids books every Christmas, but they have informed me that books don't count as presents, so this year I just left the piles of books per kid on the table.

The tableau of stockings hung by the chimney, etc. used to be prettier before this room was turned into the home school room, but it seem that even with the fireplace blocked by a bookshelf, the stocking still managed to get filled.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

"Caroling, Caroling"

Another of our favorite Christmas traditions is singing as many Christmas songs as absolutely possible.  We have some wonderful friends who have an annual night "Cookies and Carols" at their house, and frankly, it doesn't feel like Christmas without it.  We adore these people.  And not just because they are the alto and bass to my soprano and Todd's tenor.  It's a delight to sing with them alone, but even more delightful is to watch our kids enjoy one another so much.  

 For me, music is so wrapped up in the Christmas season that it feels wrong without it.  I've been shopping in two stores this last week where they weren't playing any Christmas music, and I missed it.  I love some good Old English hymns, but am just as happy to sing about Rudolph and Frosty.

 I'm glad that our children are learning to love music of the season as well.  Look at this group of cute little girls all happy to sing songs, too!

I feel very content after a delightful evening of good music and good friends.  (And the homemade chocolates don't hurt, either.)

Grinchy Claus

Last night we were able to enjoy Nathaniel as the Grinch in the Worthington Rec Center's production of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas".  They all did a great job, and he had a lot of fun playing a villian of sorts.  Best of all it was the first play that Lilyanna was totally engaged in from start to finish, so we could all enjoy it!

The Annual Christmas Ornaments

Benjamin received a little pine cone that had been fashioned to look like a hedgehog,  in memoriam of Nicco, the Hedgehog.

Each of my children has a lovely Christmas box which holds the ornaments that I've purchased for them, or they've made over the years.  I try to buy an ornament each year that symbolizes an important event, achievement, or love of theirs from that particular year.  I'm also making an album explaining each ornament, so their children will know the stories, too.  My kids get almost as excited for the Sunday after Thanksgiving tree trimming and unveiling of their new ornaments as they do about Christmas itself.

Someday, right now I'm planning on when they get married, I will give them their box of ornaments and album for their first Christmas as their own new family.

Lilyanna received Rapunzel.  She adores the princessy things.  I tried to avoid that whole scene, but it was not to be.  At least this Rapunzel is wielding a frying pan to take out an intruder.  I like a princess who gets things done.

Ah, Caleb and Doctor Who.  He's holding up last year's Dalek ornament as well as this year's 50th anniversary ornament featuring all 11 of the doctors.

The kids happily going through their boxes to rediscover the treasures of years past.

Nathaniel and a manatee.  Nathaniel is obsessed with manatees.  I have no explanation for how or why.  It just is.

Caleb wanted Adipose in on the Doctor Who action as well.  (I do think it's funny that there are angels peeking over into the picture.  They're not exactly weeping, but still...)

10 Things Tuesday

1. I finished Christmas shopping for Nathaniel and Caleb. I'm waiting until December to get Warren's present and I'm still saving up for Todd's present. (My budget allows for me to buy for 2 immediate family members each month thanks to the slamming from medical bills we are getting this year. Ugh.)

2.  I'm currently listening to "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al.  Having sons has definitely expanded my knowledge of Weird Al songs.

I've been listening to a lot of Indigo Girls this week. I've neglected the "(Sometimes Angry) Women of the 90s" portion of my children's musical education. And we have a road trip coming up...

3. Todd never notices when I get my hair cut.  My Dad and brother are the same way, so it doesn't really bother me, but it's good for teasing him about. (Like when I cut 12 inches off and get highlights.  Really, how do you not see that??)  A few years ago I started texting him from the salon to remind him that I was getting my hair done and he should remember to notice when I came home.  But yesterday, he actually commented that it looked nice WITHOUT any reminder texts!  I was very impressed with him! Almost 14 years of marriage and I may get him trained yet. (Granted when I later asked him what made him notice this time, he said, "It was brushed."  I laughed heartily and then informed him that was not the right answer for future reference.)  Bless his heart.

4. Nathaniel, Benjamin and I are signed up for the Jingle Bell Run, and Nathaniel had his first training run with me today.  He did great!  Benjamin is so crazy busy, we'll just hope all the dancing he does every week is enough training for him to run a 5k in a couple of weeks.

5.  Last night at belly dancing class I learned a very cool new move. It was a move I had seen my hip-hopping sons do very often in their dance classes and figured people either could move that way or couldn't.  I put myself in the latter category.  Anyway, our fabulous teacher taught me how to move like that.  When Benjamin got home from school today, he started randomly doing the move.  The following happened:

Me: HEY! I know how to do that now!!
Him: [Unimpressed] Yeah? Me, too.
Me: Yeah, but when I do it, I'm even MORE awesome because I jingle! (Thanks to the hip scarf I wear during class.)
Him: [Doing the move again and in a total deadpan face and voice] Ding a ling a ling.

I was amused.

6. Nathaniel was cast in the rec center's play of "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" as the Dad.  He's been practicing putting on fake mustaches ever since.

7.  I love the Lend/Freecycle Facebook group that we have going on in our neighborhood.  I've been able to pass things on as well as get all manner of helpful things for Lilyanna.
I also love all the many great second hand places we have in our area.  In the past couple of days I have sold things to Half Price Books, Clothes Mentor, and Once Upon a Child.  Whatever those places don't take (which is most of the clothing) I then pass on to a charity.

8. Lilyanna is soooo much more pleasant if she gets a nap on her school day.  I'm so much more pleasant, too, but as naps for her only happen in the car, I have to stay awake to drive. ;)

9. I had a REVELATION when having lunch at Northstar yesterday with some fabulous ladies.  The whole gluten free thing makes eating out a lot less fun.  Yesterday, I found a dish that had all the flavors I wanted, but it was a wrap.  When I ordered, I quickly asked if they could just put it all in a bowl instead and swap out the tortilla chips that usually come with it for my beloved sweet potato fries with garlic, sea salt and rosemary AND THEY DID! Sheer bliss, I tell you! It's the little things, people.

10. Right now they're talking about another Nor'easter hitting NJ for Thanksgiving.  Srsly, has my home state not suffered enough??

Happy Thanksgiving/Merry Christmas/Happy New Year!!

This is how those holidays looked at our house.  Just imagine all members of the family taking turns on the couch.  Again, not so impressed with the results of the flu shot.  (Although, to be fair, Lilyanna and Todd had the shot and didn't get it.  Todd got all sorts of other fun sickness, but not the flu.)  Now, if we'd all gotten sick at once, this could have been our Christmas card for next year!!

Girl Geek

My Mother called me from a Toys R Us in Utah early in November. She does this around the holiday season. Which is fine because then I can yea or nay her and steer towards things that her grandsons will really love. Except she doesn't need my help. My Mom is good at knowing what my sons like. This year, for instance, she called asking about the item pictured above.

I should tell you right now that I have wanted a Millennium Falcon toy since I was four years old and first discovered Star Wars. I was the only girl on my street, so when we played it I was always Princess Leia. I can still reenact scenes with alarming accuracy. And check out the family Halloween costumes from three years ago:

Fabulous, right?! I began to realize that not all girls/women shared my love and adoration of Star Wars when we had a birthday party for Nathaniel a year or two ago. I tried making TIE fighters out of mini bundt cakes. It wasn't my best work, but all of the kids and Dads knew what they were. The other Moms did not. Not even a little bit. I was appalled. How could they not recognize a TIE fighter and then when I told them what it was, how could they not know what a TIE fighter was? Silly women.

Anyway, back to my Mom. I did not get a Millenium Falcon. Ever. Also, Danny Versfeldt stole all of my Star Wars action figures and they were never replaced. The last one I received was Lando Calrissian for Christmas right before I turned 5. That Spring, Danny asked to go into my house to "use the bathroom" and suddenly had to run home right after he came out. My tin of action figures was never seen again.

Todd had ALL the Star Wars figures because his Dad worked for Kenner Toys at the time. His younger siblings destroyed them all. Between Todd and I we have purchased as many Star Wars things for our kids as our wallets and common sense could afford. I asked for the Galactic Heroes Millenium Falcon for Christmas five years ago. And for my birthday. And for Mother's Day. Nobody got it for me. It's still on my amazon.com wishlist, if anyone really feels the need to fill this gaping hole in my life.

I give you all this back story because I want you to understand that when my mother called from Toys R Us in Utah and asked if she could buy the ENORMOUS Millennium Falcon for my boys for Christmas, I said "no". N. O. No. I did mention that her grandson's would love her forever if she did, but that I was not giving it my stamp of approval. I had stood in Target just the previous week lusting after the same toy. The price tag was enough to dissuade me. But also, IT IS TWO AND HALF FEET LONG!!! It is a really big toy, people!! Heather, the Awesome, was sitting in my kitchen with me while I spoke to my Mother and informed me that the right answer was 'yes' because her kids would enjoy it, too, and was my Mom interested in adopting her boys for Christmas? This only fueled my Mother's resolve. I told her that I still wasn't approving the purchase. But, guess what showed up under my tree? Yes. An ENORMOUS box.

And her grandsons were excited. But guess who was more excited? Guess who spent lots of time putting on decals and assembling all two and a half feet worth of pieces? And guess who spent all of the battery power in the camera on Christmas morning taking interior shots of a plastic space ship, instead of pictures of her kids, husband and in-laws?

Princess Leia. That's who.

So, thanks, Mom. I may trip over it on a regular basis. But several of us have been enjoying playing with our fun new toy.

Christmas 2008

It's getting ridiculous that I haven't posted about Christmas yet, so here in no particular order are pictures of Christmas 2008. We were lucky enough to have a last minute visit from Crummy and Grampy from NJ. We sure loved having them here with us for the holiday, but I have no pictures of them. I do that a lot. No pictures of people. But there will be lots of pictures of a pie.

Not in this post.

I'm just saying.

Anyway, on with the Christmas pics!

The Tree.

The Little People Nativity Scene. With the rhino that somehow visits every year. And Doomsday. (Yes, they were both added by Caleb.)

Cute little boys in their new PJs on Christmas Eve opening up the presents they got for one another.

Opening up stockings. Check out my matching PJs. Apparently, if you are short enough you can find FABULOUS pjs with feet in the boys section. Very exciting!

We love Star Wars. Star Wars everything. Everything. I'm still mad that Pottery Barn Kids doesn't make this bedding to fit a king sized bed.

After opening all of the presents upstairs, the kids were very sad because they were so certain they were going to be getting a Wii this Christmas. Nathaniel (our budding gamer) even burst into tears of sadness, until Todd took them downstairs where it was already set up and ready to go. Rejoicing commenced.

Nathaniel, Todd, Benjamin, and Grampy playing Wii.

Musical Monday

I watch this movie every year. And I cry every year when the general comes in. In the beginning and end of the movie. If you haven't ever seen "White Christmas" watch it. It you have seen it, watch it again.



Not at all related to Christmas, but I love it. I wanted a dress just like theirs when I was little. I could still pull it off, right? Especially with an enormous blue feathered fan. I predict it will be next season's must have. Just you watch.




This is way better than the dresses, though.

Gift Ideas

Okay, world. 

I am in need of gifting help.

What does one buy for a 16 year old boy for Christmas?

Help.

Oh, what do you do in the summertime?

We assemble the gingerbread house kit that has been sitting on top of the fridge since December. While not assembling this in December made me look like a rotten Mom to my kids, letting them assemble it in June made me like an awesome Mom. It all averages out, right?