'Tis the Season for White Elephant gift exchanges!
Todd and I used to attend so many of these each year, that I began keeping a box in the basement full of things to give at such a party. That way throughout the year as I was cleaning out, I could easily donate to the box and then not have to scramble to find something ridiculous the day before the party. It was already in my handy-dandy box!
We haven't really gone to as many of the type of parties where white elephant gifts are exchanged over the last few years, which means I haven't really looked in the box for a while.
Last night my boys informed me that after the play they were going to, the party was going to have a white elephant exchange and what on earth could they possibly give???
They looked amazed when I told them of "The Box". Without checking the contents, I brought it upstairs and put it on the table so they could find what they wanted, which is how the following conversation happened:
Benjamin: Are those condoms??
Me: Crap! Yes. But, you can NOT give condoms past their expiration date as a white elephant present!
Nathaniel: But, why not? That would be hysterical!
Me: You can NOT give out expired condoms to anybody, but especially teenagers.
Benjamin: Because they're not as effective. Ha! They're even "ultra-thin", so twice as likely to break!
Nathaniel: But white elephant gifts are supposed to be useless. So, why can't we give those?
Me: Nathaniel, teenagers who are in possession of a condom and also in need of a condom aren't very likely to double check the expiration date in the heat of the moment.
Nathaniel: Hm. Well, most of them are too young to be having sex anyway.
Me: Yes, but if you take 36 condoms to a party, odds are good they aren't all going home with the same person. Also, you are a freshman. Do you really want the rest of your high school career to be colored with the memory of you as "that kid who brought 36 expired ultra-thin trojans" to a party?
[Me quickly scrambling through box to make sure there's nothing else inappropriate for them to take.]
Me: Good grief, there are so many condoms in this box!!
Nathaniel: That's honestly something I never expected to hear my mother say.
Me: Then you haven't known your mother very long.
Benjamin: Nathaniel, you should just take the bottle of hot sauce called "Rectal Rocket Fuel".
Nathaniel: I don't know. That's kind of embarrassing.