Friday, September 25, 2015

Conversations with Smiths - Part 17 (Or "The Walls Have Ears")

(There is an explanation for this conversation at the bottom of the page if you're interested, but could be classified as "TMI".)

 This occurred when Todd and I were speaking on the couch in the living room while Lilyanna was playing on the floor nearby. She was being loud enough in her play that I didn't realize she was listening.

Lilyanna: Momma, what does "horny" mean?

Me: [sotto voce muttering at being heard] It means something has a lot of horns.

Lilyanna: But you don't have a lot of horns, Momma. You said you were horny. What else does it mean?

Me: The other meaning isn't really polite for little girls to talk about, but I promise we discuss it when you are older.

Lilyanna: Like when I'm six?

Me: Probably twelve.

Todd: At this rate, maybe ten...

Me: Twelve.

Lilyanna: I think when I'm seven.

Me: Twelve.


Why did nobody warn me of the crazy hormonal surge that would happen as I approached 40??? Oh my goodness, for months I've had to have this constant mantra running through my head as I go out into the world, "It is NOT OKAY to grab strange men from off the sidewalk/in the store aisle/anydarnplace and have your way with them, Emilia! It is NOT OKAY!"  My body, however, does not seem to have gotten the memo. Good grief, this is crazy! It is way worse than teenage-hood, and that is saying something. (To be clear, no strangers have been grabbed thus far. So my brain is winning.) Still, I'm walking around in a nearly chronic hormonal miasma.

I heard on the radio last week that there is a new medication for women who suffer the opposite problem at this age and later I said to Todd, "Can you imagine if I took that medicine right now??  I would never let you leave the house!!"


Anyway, as I was discussing this with a similarly aged friend on Friday night, she was so happy that it wasn't just her, and I was equally relieved for the same reason. Another friend overheard our conversation and said, "Oh, I have something that could help with that." And all I could do was blink at her as I realized that I don't really want help with it. Is it distracting to be this randy at all times? Yes. But it's also kind of fun. And my similarly affected friend agreed. I don't know what this says about either one of us, except that if we're going to have to go through these crazy hormonal changes, we might as well enjoy them.

The realization makes me suddenly more compassionate towards people who suffer from manic depression. The depression part sucks, but the highs are just so high! Who would want to give that up? (I don't advocate not taking prescribed medication if you and your doctor think it will help you be able to function best in life, but I get not wanting to take the medicine.)

I assume that this will all crash at some point. Or perhaps it will just gradually trickle down. Either way, the meantime I will continue to appreciate this little part of being alive and in reasonably good health.

However, I apparently do need to be a little more circumspect about where I relate these stories to Todd. Because Lilyanna listens a little too well sometimes....

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Conversations with Smiths - Part 16

Me: So, last night before bed I brushed my hair like I typically do right before bed.

Todd: Uh-huh

Me: This morning when I woke up to teach seminary, I put my hair into a messy bun. But I discovered that there was a horrible clump in my hair.

Todd: And?

Me: There was a partially melted dark chocolate covered almond in my hair.

Todd: Really?

Me: Yes. Is there something you want to tell me about last night?

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Conversations with Smiths-Part 15 (Or "I Have the Creepiest Kids Ever")

Every couple of years my husband gets bored and switches jobs. So far, always within the same company and it's always other people coming to him and fighting over who gets him next. (This is a good problem to have.) But we also try to be open to all the possibilities, which means the idea of moving.

It also means that every two years I remind him of my list of acceptable places to live. Because I really am okay with picking up and going whenever. But I have a few places I'm not willing to live.

We've never really let the kids in on the conversation of where they would or would not be willing to live, but we were discussing it with them in the room this last week.

Todd: We could live in South or North Carolina if I work for [lists several companies]. 

Me: Or we could go back to NY and live in the city for a couple of years. Or England!

Todd: Well, yes, we could, but those would not be as easy.

Me: But it would be an adventure!!

Todd: [Gazes at me with more patience than I deserve.]

Me: I prefer North. The Yankee in me is traumatized by even thinking about living that far south of the Mason-Dixon line. Besides we have way more friends and relatives in North.

Nathaniel: Wherever we move, it just has to be a state without the death penalty.

Me: [Stares at Nathaniel]

Me: [Finally recovers enough to talk] Um, why would you need to live somewhere without the death penalty, Nathaniel?

Nathaniel: Because....Reasons. You don't need to know any more.

Me: Oh my gosh, you are so super creepy sometimes.