Monday, October 27, 2008


I feel like I need a virtual support group. I am a reformed sign stealer. Like a former alcoholic in a bar,  I no longer steal signs but my fingers get itchy whenever I'm around a particularly clever one.

I was a sign stealer with standards. I never took anything that would compromise the safety of others. But sometimes there are signs which are just silly...or conveniently knocked over on the ground, or irresistible. Like this one:

I have a similar one that I took from the pavilion of a park which shall not be named in a state that won't be named either because I have relatives in law enforcement in that same state...and town. I was 16. It still hangs as decoration in my basement. In college it was the main picture in the living room of one of my apartments.

We are about to travel for two days on the highway. This is bad. Every time I go on a road trip I get itchy fingers and begin jonesing for this sign:

I always hope that there will be one knocked to the ground, but there never is. A girl can hope, right? Oh, big white question mark, someday you will be mine!!

I was better behaved when I was in England for a visit during college. There were great signs there that would have looked excellent at my place, but I was VERY certain that I wouldn't get them passed the customs agents. They're grouchy like that. But look how irresistible this one is! I had to content myself with taking a picture.

I really enjoyed this one in San Francisco, but it was too big to carry back on the plane. Oh. And I guess that would violate those standards of mine. Hm. I wonder if they make tourist versions that could be purchased in the airport gift shop...

Here's another one I really enjoyed, and it was these signs and others like them that started the whole "People Die Here" thing. I'm not sure if taking these goes against my standards or not. Isn't it self evident that you could fall off if you are climbing around on a steep cliff? I don't know that a sign is really necessary for that. Hm. I'll have to think about that one some more.

You may be asking yourself "Why is Emilia telling me about this bizarre compulsion of hers?"

Well, I will tell you why I'm telling you.

I walk around my neighborhood in the mornings. There are no street lights in my neighborhood, so at 6:30 am it is still very dark. (We're also on the very western edge of eastern time zone which makes it darker later in the morning.) Last week while walking, I had to really fight the urge to steal all the political signs off of everybody's yards. I was particularly tempted to take the ones of the party I'm not voting for. When I say tempted, I mean really Tempted. With a capital "T".

And that's what ultimately kept me from doing it. Not that I could be arrested. Not that it would have been stealing and therefore wrong. But that it didn't seem fair to steal the signs of only one party. Apparently, one of my sign stealing standards also involves equal opportunity practices.

Personal ethics are a real pain sometimes.

But in case it ever gets to be too much, I may need to reach out to a lifeline. Any volunteers to talk me off my neighbor's yards at 6:30am?!!




Damian said...

You just need to find a counterpart to steal the other party's signs for you. That way it's balanced and fair.

Emilia said...

Like the news?

I don't know anyone else who admits to stealing signs. Come out and join me for an early morning raid. I promise you it will be all sorts of fun!

Heather Snediker-Morscheck said...

I have to admit that I REALLY want the one that says"ANOTHER Democrat for McCain" because it strikes me as preposterous.

Tricia said...

You can't come if you can't leave my sign alone. It's bad enough that you'll most likely win that night.

Emilia said...

Heather, what are you up to at 6:30 a.m.? Pickle could be our cover for being on the lawn!!

Tricia, I promise not to touch your sign. Although, one way or the other you won't need it after that night anyway. ;) I just mention it.

Trish said...

Emilia, I knew you and I were soul mates. I stole signs all the time in high school and only once in college. I have the same itchy fingers. I did return my signs because they had an amnesty month where you could return all taken signs without any questions. This was their ploy to not have to buy new ones. I found it amusing that so many people had the same fettish I did. I did see on the news someone who was arrested for stealing political signs. So you might want to just keep dreaming since there is precedence in the area.

Emilia said...

I don't plan on being caught...but you're right. I should behave. Do you think RLP would release me if I'm arrested for stealing signs?! Hm. Even more tempting.

Tricia said...

You make a good point. Would you like mine as a parting gift?