Monday, July 6, 2015

Conversations with the Smiths- Part 5

Benjamin is kind of an amazing dancer. While I have rhythm, there is no grace from me. Todd was graceful once upon a time, but lacking in physical confidence. Benjamin has neither of these problems.

I have long told Benjamin that he has to take at least one dance class throughout high school regardless of his busy schedule, just so when he's in college he can get a part time job at a local dance studio teaching.

When I mentioned this to a friend of mine who has 4 daughters who dance, she said, "Oh! I'd never thought of that! That's a much better option than using the skill set to strip!"

We laughed, but I later mentioned the conversation to Benjamin.

While we were at the grocery store.

Ballet Boy.

The conversation between he and I afterwards went something like this as we were standing in line:

Me: Look, all I'm saying is that we've invested thousands of dollars  and hours over the years in dance classes and you have a skill set that you can use to help you earn money in college. You might as well get some future use out of it, even if you're not going to go on professionally.

Benjamin: That's true. Although, some studios only hire if you have a degree in dance.

Me: Then don't apply for a job at those studios. There are plenty that don't do that and just look at your dancing, performing, and teaching experience.

Benjamin: [Nods while looking at the candy and gum in the check out aisle.]

Me: Just DON'T use that same skill set to be a stripper!

Benjamin: [Loading groceries on the belt and looking thoughtful] I don't know, Mom. I think I'd make a pretty good stripper.

Me: [beat...then throw my head back in laughter] Ah! Just what every mother wants to hear!

Benjamin: I've got the moves AND you know I have the abs.

Me: Yes, but you also have inherited the Smith No-Bottom. You need a good firm rump to be a good stripper.

Benjamin: I can call Great Uncle Blake and ask what exercises he uses for a better bottom. 

Me: That would be a fun phone conversation. "Hey, Uncle Blake. You don't remember me probably, but I'm your nephew Todd's son and remember when at that family reunion my Mom joked you all had the same Smith-No-Bottom, you showed yours off and said 'Not me, I have exercises for that!'? Yeah. I need the exercises. Why? Oh, to further my stripping career."

Benjamin: Hm. Maybe Dad could call for me.

Me: Yeah, cuz that would be less awkward. Seriously, though, No stripping.

Benjamin: I bet the money's better.

Me: I'm sure. But you have no bottom, so it's a moot point.

Benjamin: WHY do you know about what male strippers are supposed to look like??

Me: Oh, look. The car. Quick put the groceries in so we can get home before the ice cream melts!


Susan said...

I think you missed the obvious rejoinder to his last question: "Because I'm female."

Ned said...

Cranberry Juice!!!