Last year in the dead of winter, I made lists of all of my former crushes. And I've updated throughout the year. I figured this winter I would finish writing about the story of me and Todd.
I believe when last I typed, I was being furious with Todd for ruining my chances with the guy that I liked. (Incidentally, that guy joined me in making fun of Todd for the rest of forever. He and I would smirk at one another and refer to irritating Toads for years. It's even mentioned in the High School yearbook. Who knew that would come back to haunt me? The ribbing I received from him when I became engaged to Toad-I mean, Todd- was embarrassing.)
Anyway, life went on.
I was still mean to Todd every time I saw him, but he continued to think of me as a friend. I thought briefly about inviting him to the Junior Prom with me because I knew he'd be good at being friendly to all my friends and he was fun to dance with. But, I didn't want anyone [read: his parents or mine] to think that I liked him again. Because I didn't.
At the end of my Junior year, I realized that Todd Smith was going off to college. I wouldn't have him around to harass anymore at Stake Youth Activities. I was surprised to realize that this made me sad. Actually, it's difficult to say that it was just him. Most of my favorite friends from church were leaving that year, so I was sad and moody in general at the thought of everyone heading off to BYU.
So, I wrote letters. To all of them. Even Todd. And he wrote back. We didn't exchange a lot of letters. But enough that when I went out to audition at BYU my senior year, Todd bounded over to the dorm where I was staying to talk to me. I was too tired to really talk, but the next day he arranged for me to come listen to The BYU Men's Chorus in which he sang tenor.
Let me tell you how it feels to sit in a room full of 300 men with gorgeous singing voices if you are a choir geek. I was Breathless. I was practically swooning before they got through their warm ups. Afterwards, several of my friends came bounding up the stairs to say hello. They hadn't known I was at the school, but being the only girl in a room full of 300 men is a good way to be shown attention. Todd waited patiently as I talked to each of them. As we left, one of the guys that I'd long adored walked with Todd and I for awhile. I adored this guy. If he'd asked me to marry him right then and there, I would have said, "Who needs to graduate High School anyway?" and run off with him. But there was Todd. Still standing there. Right next to us.
After realizing that I'd been ignoring him for more than 15 minutes, Todd announced he had to go and it was nice seeing me, was I busy the next day, etc? I don't even remember what I said, because I was so busy trying to stare at the adorable smile and dimpled cheeks of the guy I really wanted.
Todd left. And I felt relieved.
We did have lunch the next day, though I don't remember any other details. I know we walked around campus a little and talked. About what, I have no idea. But I left thinking that Todd Smith was easy to be around now. And how nice that was...except when I wanted him to go away so I could be swept into the arms of someone else.