The Gym Chronicles, episode 1

I am making a full confession of being something of a gym rat. Mostly going there gives me an excellent excuse to be able to read for an extra hour of every day while still looking productive. And one hour per day without any children clinging to me is very helpful to everyone's sanity in my house.

It is due to this feeling of pleasure that I do my best to dissuade others from being social with me. I love socializing...but not at the gym. My average looks, average hair color, average height and weight and slightly below average ability to dress myself in matching clothes help quite a bit in my effort to go unnoticed while at the gym. My averageness is wonderful for an hour of peace and/or people watching. I spend lots of time studying everybody else. Gyms are full of wonderful characters.

Anyway, the other night I left Todd to put the boys to bed and book in hand ran off to the gym. I was only 15 minutes shy of being done with my 45 minutes on the treadmill when a man came and stood next to me. I should mention right here that I am prejudiced against people who are solid muscle. I've never really cared for the look. However, Mr. Solid Muscle man came and stood next to me and said, "Look! The treadmill next to you is open! I get to walk next to you!"

Unsure how to reply, I said, "Hm, well, it's all yours then," and went back to reading.

He hopped onto the treadmill next to me and said, "I really wanted this one, so I could walk next to the coolest girl in the whole gym."

Seriously. I'm not making this up. You all have met me. Nobody upon first meeting me has EVER had that impression of me, I'm sure. So, I briefly glanced up at him, smiled wanly, thinking but not saying, "Has that line ever worked for you?", and went back to reading.

At which point he began talking to me about how he really likes to walk for a few minutes after a workout to loosen up because he's so tight. I swear I'm not making this up. I occasionally said, "hm," but kept reading.

He must have realized after about ten minutes that I was trying to ignore his babbling, because he finally said, "Look, I shouldn't have said that 'you're so cool' thing. That was inappropriate and I'm sorry."

I looked up at him and as only a true New Jerseyan can said, "Forget about it."

He continued to blather apologies. And finally I said, "Look. Don't worry about it, really. I don't care. I just didn't realize that it showed." Said with a straight face, btw. And then I stopped my treadmill and walked away with my book, to retrieve my coat.

No sooner was I pulling on the 12 layers of clothing it takes to get back home, when some woman whom I have never met comes up to me and starts telling me some saga about her ipod and batteries and a conversation with her husband and her workout.

People have this idea about people from NYC. They think they are rude and unkind. Hogwash. New Yorkers are wonderful and helpful, if you politely stop and ask them something. Otherwise, they are very happy to ignore you. If you walk down the street sobbing but not asking for any help, you can be happily ignored. I love this about NYC.

I realize that I expect my gym to be like New York. But it's not. It's Ohio. And usually the nice people keep their distance from me, but something about the other night changed it. Maybe I smiled too much. Maybe it's because I was wearing a brighter T-shirt. I don't know.

When I recounted the story to Todd, he asked why I didn't show the guy my wedding ring. (This is funny coming from my husband who doesn't wear a wedding ring.) I looked at him and said, "Oh, that didn't even occur to me BECAUSE I HAD A BOOK!"

Fellow gym go-ers, a plea: DO NOT interrupt the sacred reading time of a mother...or you may find a very hard book colliding with your "tight body".