Driving in NJ

I just received this from a friend and laughed at how true it really is. So sad when even really bad driving can make one feel homesick.

How To Drive In Jersey.
1. You must learn to pronounce Newark It is Nork - rhymes with Fork.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the
parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy."
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. New Jersey has its
own version. For example, loudest cars or trucks go first at a
four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However,
in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cellphone-talking moms always have
the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous throughout the state.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more
exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires,
cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on
any of these items.
9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say
they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass
lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave to them
immediately to let them know it has been accidentally activated.
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.


SAFE DRIVING ! ! !