Sunday, July 19, 2015

Conversations with Smiths- Part 10

Remember yesterday when I mentioned that we tend to get a leeetle bit off track during scripture study time?

We had just read this scripture:

18 Lift up thine eyes round about and behold; all these gather themselves together, and they shall come to thee. And as I live, saith the Lord, thou shalt surely clothe thee with them all, as with an ornament, and bind them on even as a bride. [1 Nephi 21:18, but quoting Isaiah 49]

Nathaniel: Is this scripture telling us to tie up our wives?

Todd: What?

Caleb: Hey, Dad, I guess you need to tie up Mom.

Todd to me: What is he talking about?

Me: Binding up brides, naturally.

Todd: Um, Ok.

Me: Ha. Good luck.

Benjamin: That's true. If Mom doesn't want to be tied up, there's no way Dad would be able to do it.

Nathaniel: Mom would beat you up if you tried, Dad.

Caleb: Yeah. Mom would win.

Todd: [who thought he was being too quiet for the kids to hear, waggles his eyebrows at me] Well, I didn't know you were into that sort of thing.

Me: [Smirking at him with one eyebrow raised] You don't know everything about my past.

Benjamin: [The one sitting furthest from us, but the only one who heard] Ahh! [Looking completely horrified! Eyes bulging wide open, face frowning, and then curling himself into a ball on the couch to whimper.] Don't want to know! Don't even want to think about it! Aahhahahaha! Scarred for life. Life, I tell you!

Todd: Oh, stop. We're your parents. We have sex. Get over it.

Benjamin: Ahhhh! Make it stop!!!

Nathaniel: And THEN you can use the tied up brides as Christmas trees; you know, with all the ornaments you hang on them after you bind them up.

Me: PLEASE, stop talking, Nathaniel.

Todd: [snapping the scriptures closed and sighing peevishly] I guess we're done with scriptures for tonight. I don't know why I even bother some nights. [looking at all of us who are giggling and snorting]

And again we must say, Poor Todd.

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