Highly Irrational

Last night Todd and I went to see the new Star Trek movie.

I could've very easily become a trekkie in my youth. I watched all the original series as a kid, loved other sci-fi stuff, and had a little crush on Spock. (Let's review: He's tall, dark, geeky, prominent nose.) I even have an old happy meal box cut up and lovingly stored in my childhood scrapbook that came out when the FIRST Star Trek movie came out. My Mom did the cutting. I was too young to be trusted with scissors. And it features Spock. In college, I had a housemate with whom I watched all of the Deep Space Nine reruns. And I admitted I liked them.

My path towards becoming a Trekkie was thrown horribly off-course when I was seven years old. I was the only little girl on my block. (Well, there were two others all the way around the block, but they were all girly, so not much fun to play with.) Anyway, my best friend on the street was named Danny Blanke. He was a year younger than me, but when it came time for his sixth birthday party, I HAD to be invited. In fact, it was all the boys on our street, a couple from his class at school, and me. The party consisted of all of us going to the movies at the Somerville Circle to see Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan.

All was well until the scene in the movie where they put that awful ear wig looking thing in someone's ear!!! I hid my eyes. And when that didn't work, I burst into tears. Mrs. Blanke had to take me out of the theater. I was properly mortified that I had acted like a girl even though I was with all the boys, but there was nothing to be done.

That night I was a crying, slobbering, blubbering, hysterical MESS! In fact, I refused to go to bed until my Dad promised to chop up whatever came after me with his ax. (If you've met my mild mannered father, you will know that this is a rather laughable image, but at the time it was enough to convince me that it was safe to sleep again.) For YEARS afterwards, earwigs completely freaked me out. And don't even get me started about ear things.

I can count on one...okay two...hands the number of times that I have hauled off and punched someone (when not in play). Most of those times involve someone trying to mess with my ears (or my neck, but that's another story all together. And I'm over that one.). There has never been ANY nuzzling of or nibbling on my ears. The very notion makes me go a little crazy. And not in a good way. Todd tried valiantly for the first 5 years of marriage to get me over my aversion to such things. To no avail.

He finally accepted that Danny Blanke and Wrath of Khan had ruined me for such things, and gave up. Which made life easier for both of us. Until last night.

I was sitting there enjoying the movie. Enjoying sitting with my husband without kids to worry about. When all of a sudden THERE WAS A SCENE WITH A BUG THAT ATTACHES ITSELF TO THE CAPTAIN'S BRAIN!!!!

No sooner did the bad guy pull out a bug, than I was curled up in a fetal position with my eyes covered and head buried in Todd's shoulder, whispering hysterically, "Are they putting that in his ear?!! Is it over yet?! Did they put it in his EAR?!?! Is it over yet?! Did it go in his ear?! Where did they put it?! Is he okay?! Is it over yet?! Did it crawl in his EAR?!"

Todd found this all immensely funny and received a few looks from people around us as he had to stifle his laughter at my distress.

To which I can only say, "Hmf." Really, the nerve of some husbands.

It is very nice to note that I am not alone in my trauma. A quick google search yielded this and this.

And so, I say live long and prosper. Unless you are an earwig. Or one of the nasty writers who keeps on putting them into Star Trek movies. I have no problems with the Babble Fish concept in the Douglas Adams books. It's just the evil bad guy putting bug on brain concept. Not loving it. shudder