Urban Archeology (or All the stuff I found on top of my dresser)

In 1996 I went to Goodwill and bought a dresser for $30. My boyfriend at the time helped me lug the thing home and up the stairs to my second floor apartment. It was functional. 5 drawers, tall, made of actual wood, etc. This is the dresser that my husband and I still use. One of the problems with having children while you are young and poor is that you end up spending all furniture money on things like cribs and bunk beds. Although, now that the rest of our house is furnished, there are no more excuses. I see something akin to a bedroom set in my future...

Anyway, the top of this dresser is probably a little less than six square feet, but for some reason (possibly the lack of any other furniture in the room save a huge bed) it has become the place to dump things. So, it was with some trepidation that I tackled cleaning off the top of the dresser over Christmas break. I can only do projects like that when I have off from teaching seminary. Apparently I am completely incapable of waking up early and organizing in the same day. We all have our own personal kryptonite, I suppose. Here is the list...and it is truly terrifying:

12/22/07

2 pairs of Todd's socks, black and folded
nail clippers
1 bottle of women's multivitamins that make me gag so I never take them
1 chapstick
1 container of safety pins
1 empty bottle of unscented herbal lotion
1 full water bottle
1 necktie
1 package sticky back velcro
1 road map of CO and WY
1 container 20 lb. picture hangers with a chrome plated finish
1 hairbrush
1 pair of pink capris pants (I don't want to talk about it.)
1 hanger
1 wrist brace
1 stud finder (I have never been able to say "Stud Finder" without laughing, apparently typing elicits the same response.)
1 pair of fabric scissors
1 red cup
1 travel toiletries kit left over from Todd's last business trip
1 Chase I.D.
1 First Security Bank card (in my maiden name...oh and the bank doesn't even exist anymore!)
1 "toothy bag" containing what else? teeth removed from my mouth 16 years ago. (My mother sent me a box of stuff from my bedroom last year, they haven't been sitting there all these years or anything. Still, it's a fairly gross find. My son was excited, though. He wants to use them for the upcoming science fair.)
1 rainbow tie-dye shirt from the hippie-commie preschool in my size (which Todd gave me for Christmas)
1 bag of Burt's Bees lip balms (which I got for Todd to put in my Christmas stocking.)
1 travel container of baby wipes-completely dry
1 tube First Aid antibiotic and pain relieving ointment
2 sticks of Old Spice Deodorant
1 clam shell necklace
1 lint brush
1 expired glow stick
1 top half of a wooden recorder
2 pairs of garments that need to be made into rags
1 Worthington Ward Calendar for 2007
2 heart rate monitors, one mine, one Todd's
1 pair of glasses that I've been meaning to donate for the last 3 years
1 Snoopy toy from Wendy's
1 D battery
1 VHSc tape
1 white sock-Todd's
1 chess piece
1 Alleve cold and sinus tablet
1 zipper pull
1 bag from Barnes and Nobel containing a brand new (waiting to be returned) copy of Ricky Ricotta's Mighty Robot vs. the Uranium Unicorns from Uranus- a fabulous book for the 3-5 year old boy in your life
2 screwdrivers
1 school ID for volunteers that has such an awful picture the woman even asked me if I wanted to get a new one *sigh* Some of us were just not meant to be photogenic...still, it's better than my passport picture to which my dear friend, Mark, said, "You're not actually going to use that picture, are you?"
1 boarding pass stub from Chicago to Columbus dated September of 2006
1 program from Benjamin's dance recital, June 2007
1 package of tub tints
2 dryer sheets
1 movie ticket stub for Spiderman 3, July 2007
2 emery boards (freebies, I don't do my nails.)
1 orange bouncy ball
1 Chase Key fob
3 chain pulls from lights and fans-all broken
1 paint chip (ICI Black Tulip)
1 pair Todd's old glasses which he keeps around for painting purposes only
1 spiderman valentine
1 Bank Card from Bank 1, again, not only expired, but Bank 1 no longer exists
1 pair baby nail clippers
1 pair Harry Potter costume glasses
2 shoe shine mits
3 sets of Scripture Mastery cards, 2 D&C, 1 OT
4 band-aids, unused
1 travel size purell
1 set of instructions for the card game "BeeAttitudes"
1 pocket sized hymnal
1 CD-R marked "D&C People and Places" (We studied D&C in seminary LAST year.)
1 pony tail holder
1 claritan pill

Office Supplies:
16 pens
1 sharpie
1 click pencil
1 package of refills for the click pencil
2 whiteboard markers
1 roll of scotch tape
2 Rubber bands
1 pair of safety scissors
Books:
-The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister
-Draw with Jonah and Friends by Cindy Kenney
-Scripture Study Tools and Suggestions by James E. Faulconer
-One Small Step Can Change Your Life-The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer, PhD (Todd incidentally declared this book "rubbish")
-Scooby Doo and the GhastlyGiant by Jesse Leon McCann
Periodacles:
-Aporia: A Student Journal of Philosophy BYU vol. 17 number 1 Spring 2007
-A Liahona (Church magazine in Portuguese)
-Ensign, December 2006
Pamphlets:
-All is Safely Gathered In
-Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts
Choral Music:
-2 copies of "Were You There On That Christmas Night" by Natalie Sleeth, SATB and 2 part
Movie:
Casino Royale-Widescreen Edition
Money:
-$2 bill
-6 pennies
-2 dimes
-2 Chuck E. Cheese tokens

Ta-Da! There were also dozens of receipts, all Todd's, but I didn't feel like itemizing them. Since cleaning off the dresser, every time Todd leaves anything on it that is not going immediately back in his pockets the next morning I fix on him a certain gaze that makes him move nervously around me and to the dresser to remove the offending item. We'll see how long this lasts.