Conversations with Smiths- Part 24 or "My Son is the Interpretive Dance Penis in the High School Musical"

Hello, do you think that you could give me Bens phone number so I can get Pippin info?

Oh wait, does he have a phone?

He has no phone number. He is in the wind. Much like the anatomy he will be playing on stage.

Conversations with Smiths-Part 13

I have always claimed to know nothing about football. It's not a baseless claim, despite the fact that I was in marching band for 2 years of high school and therefore attended all the Friday night football games.

Also, despite the fact that I dated a football player (although, it was off-season). He was very nice about and I think even a little amused by my ignorance of the sport. I regularly referred to him as My Big Dumb Jock, and he was nice enough not to point out that in this particular area, I was the dumb one.

And then in college I was surrounded by other music majors. The majority of us had been in marching bands, but we didn't talk about football. Until I started dating a guy (also a music major) my sophomore year who was appalled at my lack of football knowledge. We started dating in November, and he almost immediately began trying to teach me about it. I was not an enthusiastic student. I did, however, agree to watch the SuperBowl that year. I brought homework to do and only really looked up during the commercials, such was my enthusiasm for the event. 

He managed to teach me one thing. I think we were at a diner when it finally sunk in. There may have been sugar packets involved in the explanation. But, the one piece of football knowledge I have retained is this: A sack is when the quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage. 

At the wedding of this ex-boyfriend, my husband actually thanked him for working so hard to teach me that one thing, because he wasn't getting anywhere with furthering my football knowledge.

That's it. That's all I know. I know the definition of a sack. It's like my party trick. I now live in a land obsessed with college football, and when accused of knowing nothing, I pull out my one piece of knowledge. (Also, I knew that this year OSU managed to do very well with their 3rd string quarterback. But you can't really live here and NOT know things like that.)

Or at least I THOUGHT that was all I knew. Until last night.

Benjamin: So, while I was sitting outside the trainer's icing, I heard this really weird thud come from the football field and there was our one shining hope for a decent football season. He's an incredible linebacker and now it looks like he's out for the season!

Me: Oh, no! What happened? 

Benjamin: They think his ankle is fractured. It was an incredibly hard sack.

Me: [getting all excited!] But that wasn't a sack. He's not the quarterback.

Benjamin: Yeah, but it doesn't always have to be the quarterback for it to be a sack.

Todd: [reading the definition of "sack" from my phone] "Sack-In American football and Canadian football, a sack occurs when the quarterback (or another offensive player acting as a passer) is tackled behind the line of scrimmage before he can throw a forward pass.

Me: Yes, but linebacker isn't an offensive position.

Benjamin: [glowers at me]

Me: Face it. I know more about football than you. [I totally don't, but it's fun to egg him on.]

Benjamin: You really don't, Mom.

Me: Apparently, today I do.

Benjamin: Okay, what's a wide receiver?

Me: Someone who catches the ball...you know, but far away from things.

Benjamin: I'm just not going to talk anymore.

At which point Todd and I high-fived and we continued with dinner. Also, it should be noted that I had NO IDEA that I knew what linebackers and wide-receivers were! They must put something in the water in Columbus....

Conversations with the Smiths- Part 12

Me: "So, tonight Benjamin has to be at the church at 6:15 to go over the music for the choir on Sunday, then Caleb has scouts there at 7, and the older boys have to go over to Rosie's house for the campfire, also at 7. AND Nathaniel's hippie commie high school parent meeting is also at 7. So, I'll take the kids at 6:15, leave Caleb there at 6:50, take the other boys over to the campfire, then go to the parent meeting. Can you just go and catch the first 10 minutes until I get there, and then you can pick up all the boys and take Benjamin to dance?

Todd: Or.....I could just go to the parent meeting.

Me: WHAT???? After what happened the last time I sent you to a parent meeting at the beginning of the school year??

[It was before preschool for the same child that is now starting high school. But still, he told me nothing and I spent the whole year in utter confusion. The teachers and parents would look at me perplexed and say, "But we covered this at the parent meeting at the beginning of the year. Don't you remember?" Grrrrrr.]

Todd: That was a LONG time ago!!

Me: He skipped two grades in the meantime. It wasn't THAT long ago!

Todd: I promise I'll take notes.

Me: Hm. You promise?

Todd: Yes

Me: Really good notes?

Todd: sigh YES

Me: Fine. I guess you can go instead. But they'd better be excellent notes!

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Epilogue: Not only did he take good notes, he took them in Google Drive, so he could share the file with me. He brought me the dates and agenda AND he even asked a clarifying question or two that he knew I'd want the answer to.  He has redeemed himself nicely. Although, when I asked if he wanted to go to the regular high school parent meeting tonight since I went last year for the other son, he totally balked. Ah, well.

Seven Things Sunday!

1. I had my first actual massage ever this week! One of the local Moms mentioned that we was going to start doing massages again after a few years "off" to take care of her little ones. The kids are all in school now, though, so since she'd kept her license up over the years, all she had to do was get her insurance back up and running. When she asked if anyone would have any interest, I pretty much jumped up and down saying "pick me!! pick me!!!" It was one of the things the doctor had recommended I do for my shoulder (which while not completely better, is much improved) that I hadn't yet done. Anyway, it was fabulous and the morning after was the first morning I've woken up in months without my shoulder aching!

2. After weeks of homeschool sucking for everyone involved, we made two big changes that have made a world of difference. At my son's request, we adjusted his meds, and at my instinct, we switched math curriculum. I sensed he needed less of me and more instruction that was easy to understand. We signed up for ALEKS and the clean pages, and immediate feed back for everything, along with helpful instructions a mere click away are making him super happy to do math. In fact, I set a timer for him to work on math each day, and on Friday when the timer went off he growled at it and begged for 10 more minutes. It's the first time THAT's ever happened with that particular child!

3. Week 2 of healthier eating is going well and continuing to yield results. And I did actually have some Doritos to satisfy that particular craving and all is now right with the world.

4. This past week we began the high school enrollment process for Nathaniel. If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have predicted that he would have dived head first into the STEM program offered at the high school, but he's much more interested in what the alternative program has to offer. We are lucky enough to live in a town that has an alternative middle school and high school. If he's accepted, he would be one of 45 students in the Freshman class which is pulled from both of the high school's in town. The types of classes offered change every semester, the teachers are called by their first names, there are no official study halls or lunch period, and kids are expected to stay on top of everything themselves. Basically, it's the hippie-commie preschool for high school kids. ;) He would still be bused over to the regular high school for language, music, and theater, but he's really looking forward to this opportunity. I hope that if it's the right thing for him, he'll get into the program.

5. There are times when familial drama makes the 1000 plus mile distance between me and our relatives seem just right, but the last couple of weeks as we've all banded together while my grandmother has experienced several hospital stays and all that go with those, that I really wish I could be closer. That being said, most of the siblings and cousins were rocking the staying in touch with one another with any technology available! Our respective parents, not so much, but they were more on the front lines of things, so I suppose that's to be forgiven. Anyway, it just makes me realize how lucky I am to be from a big, zany, loving family.

6. My youngest son wants a dog more than words can possibly express, but Todd is super allergic to dogs, and I'm not willing to take care of one more thing in this house even if he weren't. (although, I confess that if Todd weren't so allergic, I could probably be swayed. That is how much this longing in my youngest son is tugging at my heart!) Instead, we decided that we could take advantage of the fact that he's home during the day and he could advertise his services for dog playing, walking, letting out during the day for those in our neighborhood who work. I offered this via our neighborhood fb page in September and we had no takers, but my parents just got a new puppy and have been sending pictures and it was more than Caleb could take. So, I sent out the proposition again and we had a taker! Caleb and I met the family yesterday, and he is super excited to begin going to take care of them starting this week! It's just a mid-day potty break and possible walk, with some play time thrown in, but it's as if he's been handed the world!

7. I've been listening to French language CDs in the car while I driving to and from preschool each day, and I'm pretty sure that Pimsleur just taught me how to flirt, and basically do the "your place or mine?" thing. I'm sure this would be much more useful if I weren't going to France with my husband and 4 children in tow, but I suppose it might come up. ;)

Lessons Learned from "my" First Cross Country Season

Well, we are nearly to the end of my high school Freshman son's first cross country season. Here are a few of the things I've learned this year that make next year seem way less scary:

1. Find a friend with an older child among the parents of other team members, so they can hold your hand and walk you through whatever you need when you have millions of questions because your son is a black hole of information. A certain Miss Katey has been my guardian angel throughout this season!

2. When ordering spirit wear/foot wear/ bags/ gear in JUNE, remember that while the kids will be competing in hazy, hot, and humid August, they will also be competing in October and November, which seem to now mean snow here in Ohio. 

3. Also, it's not cheap. You think, "Oh, great, running! You just need a pair of sneakers, right?" No. Two pairs of high quality running shoes, spikes, running socks. PLUS the pay to play fees and booster fees. It's still cheaper than football, but a pair of Nikes from the sale rack at Famous footwear kind of cheap it is not.

4. Accept that if your runner already had a high metabolism BEFORE the season began, their metabolism is now bordering on ridiculous. In fact, if your child is home, just expect his face to be either stuffed in the fridge or stuffed full of food. (Expect your grocery bill to reflect the difference.)

5. Just accept that you are going to see a lot of kids throwing up. And foaming at the mouth. This is apparently a thing with cross country runners. Who knew? The foaming thing is because it takes too long to turn and spit, so it all just hangs out on their faces until they're done racing. The puking? That's just how hard these kids are running. Not everyone does it, but I've seen more kids puking at cross country meets than I was prepared for.

6. All the races I personally have participated in, everyone on the sidelines cheers for every runner. This is not the case at cross country meets. The first time I realized this, I was surrounded by 40 other parents along the sidelines and since none of their school's runners were going by there was dead silence as all the other kids passed in front of us. I currently buck the system and clap and cheer for every runner, but am louder for our team. It's a compromise I can live with and only earns me minimal glares from other parents.

7. Watching a cross country race at the start line is like watching an old battle beginning! Check out these pictures, but imagine lots of yelling and feet thundering by!

All lined up and there goes the gun!

Distant yelling and thundering feet as they begin.

Wow! They're coming straight at me and fast, I better move! More yelling, clapping, and thundering!

And now, that huge long line starts to funnel into one narrow line. And they will run over you if you don't move.

Seriously, people, THUNDERING feet!

And there they go getting ready to shove each other out of the way as they round the first corner.

8. Attending a cross country meet is not like watching other sports. You do not get to go and sit on some bleachers. Well, sometimes they have some there, but rarely are they used for sitting. Instead you watch the start and then run yourself all over the course to be able to catch the runners and cheer for them at 3 or 4 different points on the course. Not a passive event at all.

9. The upside is that a race is over in less than 25 minutes! So, I can get there, scope out the course, watch the girls team, watch my son's team, talk to the rest of the kids post race and leave all in less than an hour! It's a thing of beauty!

10. I appreciate how hard my son is learning to work, but also how nice everyone on the team is. I heard some coach from another school giving his kids a "pep" talk and there was much yelling and sports cliches. Our coaches are excessively chill, which gives the whole team a very nice vibe. None of the boys feel less than or pressured. They just want to do their best, and if that's what they bring the coaches are happy. It's a nice bunch of kids, too. Slackers in any sense of the word are not generally drawn to cross country running it would seem.

I'm sincerely glad he decided to run this year, and I hope he keeps up with it throughout high school. That being said, I'm looking forward to the relatively calm schedule of play and musical season. ;)

Look at those ENORMOUS feet! Size 13.5, people. Yikes!