Conversations with Smiths- Part 22

I've mentioned before that an alternate title to "Conversations with Smiths" could easily be "Poor Todd". Bless the man and all that he puts up with from the rest of us.

Also, for the record, and for context. Benjamin is totally better at doing make-up than I am. Not that it's a high bar or anything. In fact, a toddler could step over it. He's been doing dance and theater since Kindergarten, though, so he's a pro. Other than the occasional swipe of mascara and lip balm, I just don't wear it often enough to be good at application. My sisters who are makeup experts look at my blank face with lamentation whenever we go to visit them.

However, make-up is necessary on stage, darn it.  So a few times a year, I have to suck it up and paint my face.

Me: Benjamin, I'm going to a stage make up workshop in a couple of weeks.

B: Oh! Will they be doing age makeup??

Me: No. They're doing "looking fabulous when you dance on stage" makeup.

B: Hm. [Knowing he doesn't actually need that.]

Me: Could be useful for you.

B: Well, I guess if you won't let me be a stripper, drag could be the way to go.

Me: Drag is much classier than stripping. You have to entertain, not just titillate.

B: Good point. And to do good drag, Brendan said you need to know how to do your contour makeup correctly.

Me: True. Although, you're welcome, for those already fabulous cheekbones you have. Anyway, it's good to keep your career options open, right?

Todd: SHHHH!! Will you two behave? We're at church!

(Church hadn't started yet, btw, but we were probably not adding to the overall reverence of the pre-service ambiance.)

Conversations with Smiths- Part 21

I have a difficult time paying attention in church. Okay, I have a difficult time paying attention anywhere. Benjamin and I sitting next to one another is a particularly bad combination. Sometimes Todd separates the two of us if a speaker is particularly challenging to listen to.

It's a problem.

Adding to the problem is that our current congregation has a tradition of being pretty lousy at special programming for major holidays. Perhaps it feels worse for Todd and me because we grew up in churches with fabulous holiday programming. We've been here eleven years, you'd think we'd stop getting our hopes up by now. But, no.

This past Sunday was particularly painful because one of the few Christmas carols we were going to sing as a congregation was skipped when the undoubtedly nervous speaker rushed to the podium and began speaking before the organist made it to the organ. So the Bishopric let her talk and decided to skip the hymn altogether.

I was not pleased. And then the speaker as she told a scripture story described some of the people as "not righteous and wicked".

And Benjamin and I went into "we have the attention span of gnats and are obnoxious to boot" mode and this happened.


Benjamin: #NotRighteous #Wicked 

Me: #SameThing #Redundant

Benjamin: #SacramentMeetingTalk

Me: #NotReallyPayingAttention #ShouldBeSingingTheFirstNoel #Bitter

Todd [leaning over in between Benjamin and me]: #SHHHH!

Benjamin: #Roasted #DadBurn

Conversations with the Smiths- Part 12

Me: "So, tonight Benjamin has to be at the church at 6:15 to go over the music for the choir on Sunday, then Caleb has scouts there at 7, and the older boys have to go over to Rosie's house for the campfire, also at 7. AND Nathaniel's hippie commie high school parent meeting is also at 7. So, I'll take the kids at 6:15, leave Caleb there at 6:50, take the other boys over to the campfire, then go to the parent meeting. Can you just go and catch the first 10 minutes until I get there, and then you can pick up all the boys and take Benjamin to dance?

Todd: Or.....I could just go to the parent meeting.

Me: WHAT???? After what happened the last time I sent you to a parent meeting at the beginning of the school year??

[It was before preschool for the same child that is now starting high school. But still, he told me nothing and I spent the whole year in utter confusion. The teachers and parents would look at me perplexed and say, "But we covered this at the parent meeting at the beginning of the year. Don't you remember?" Grrrrrr.]

Todd: That was a LONG time ago!!

Me: He skipped two grades in the meantime. It wasn't THAT long ago!

Todd: I promise I'll take notes.

Me: Hm. You promise?

Todd: Yes

Me: Really good notes?

Todd: sigh YES

Me: Fine. I guess you can go instead. But they'd better be excellent notes!

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Epilogue: Not only did he take good notes, he took them in Google Drive, so he could share the file with me. He brought me the dates and agenda AND he even asked a clarifying question or two that he knew I'd want the answer to.  He has redeemed himself nicely. Although, when I asked if he wanted to go to the regular high school parent meeting tonight since I went last year for the other son, he totally balked. Ah, well.

Conversations with Smiths- Part 10

Remember yesterday when I mentioned that we tend to get a leeetle bit off track during scripture study time?

We had just read this scripture:

18 Lift up thine eyes round about and behold; all these gather themselves together, and they shall come to thee. And as I live, saith the Lord, thou shalt surely clothe thee with them all, as with an ornament, and bind them on even as a bride. [1 Nephi 21:18, but quoting Isaiah 49]

Nathaniel: Is this scripture telling us to tie up our wives?

Todd: What?

Caleb: Hey, Dad, I guess you need to tie up Mom.

Todd to me: What is he talking about?

Me: Binding up brides, naturally.

Todd: Um, Ok.

Me: Ha. Good luck.

Benjamin: That's true. If Mom doesn't want to be tied up, there's no way Dad would be able to do it.

Nathaniel: Mom would beat you up if you tried, Dad.

Caleb: Yeah. Mom would win.

Todd: [who thought he was being too quiet for the kids to hear, waggles his eyebrows at me] Well, I didn't know you were into that sort of thing.

Me: [Smirking at him with one eyebrow raised] You don't know everything about my past.

Benjamin: [The one sitting furthest from us, but the only one who heard] Ahh! [Looking completely horrified! Eyes bulging wide open, face frowning, and then curling himself into a ball on the couch to whimper.] Don't want to know! Don't even want to think about it! Aahhahahaha! Scarred for life. Life, I tell you!

Todd: Oh, stop. We're your parents. We have sex. Get over it.

Benjamin: Ahhhh! Make it stop!!!

Nathaniel: And THEN you can use the tied up brides as Christmas trees; you know, with all the ornaments you hang on them after you bind them up.

Me: PLEASE, stop talking, Nathaniel.

Todd: [snapping the scriptures closed and sighing peevishly] I guess we're done with scriptures for tonight. I don't know why I even bother some nights. [looking at all of us who are giggling and snorting]

And again we must say, Poor Todd.

Seven Things Sunday

1. This week Caleb received his Arrow of Light award from Cub Scouts. His birthday isn't for several more weeks, so he technically has a little time left in Cub Scouts, but we're nearly to the end of our time in Cubs with our own kids. Check out his uniform. As only Caleb can wear it, a shirt from an old pack (so with the wrong numbers on it), shirt untucked, no shirt, kerchief, belt, or even shoes. It reminded me of many moons ago when I went to pick up popcorn from the then Pack Leader. She saw 3 year old Caleb in the van and said, "Oh! I don't think I've ever seen him with clothes on. He's usually just in a diaper." She wasn't exaggerating.

 2. My kids are goofy. This isn't exactly news, but I have photographic evidence of it tonight. Yes, that's Benjamin underneath everyone.

3. Our middle school did a fundraiser at Chipotle this week. It worked out best for me to phone in an order and have Todd pick it up on his way home from work, but when I called they were so swamped, they asked me to do the order online. This I then did. Unfortunately when Todd picked up the food, he was told that because I'd paid online they couldn't credit the fundraiser. I was irked since, we don't eat out hardly ever as a family and certainly wouldn't have that night except for the fundraiser. I sent an email to the corporate offices that night, and by the next morning had both and email and a personal phone call apologizing, and letting me know that they'd credited our school with our bill as well and telling me how much our school had raised. I once heard someone say that you can tell how good a company is by how easy it is to contact them. I'm not sure that's the best measure, but in this case it made me love Chipotle even more than I already did.

4. I cleaned my closet yesterday. I have no before and after pictures, but trust me when I tell you that it was terrifying and now it is not. Now to tackle my nightstand!

5. I've mentioned before that our family quotes Mr. and Mrs, Bunny Extraordinaire. A LOT. After another particularly gut busting evening of laughter of quoting (while reading scriptures, no less. We're bad.), I decided to email the author. I was still high from Chipotle responding to me. Anyway, this was the email I sent:

"Ms. Horvath,

Each year our family sets off across the USA on long road trips. One of our favorite things to do is listen to recorded books. Your books have proved to be some of our favorite. Everyone from the 5 year old to the adults love them. But I have to tell you how much my 15 year old son loves to quote the foxes from Mr. and Mrs. Bunny. He's forever interjecting the word, "Hooman!" into sentences, in just such a way that we all dissolve into laughter.  As communication between a 15 year old boy and his family isn't always an easy thing, I just wanted to thank you for your stories and the laughter that we've all shared and continue to share as a family when we think of some of your characters and their lines.

Sincerely,

[etc.]"

I went to bed that night not really expecting to hear back from her, but glad that she'd have a nice email to read. I mean I assume that authors like to know that your family loves their characters. Anyway, I'd told her. We were all excited when the next morning this came through:

Dear Ms Smith
What a great letter to start my day.  Thank you for troubling to write it.  And might I say that your fifteen year old son has remarkably good taste.  I wish you and your family many more happy road trips in the years to come.
Best
Polly Horvath

This week has been a great reminder that there are living, breathing people with feelings behind all the "institutions" we tend to think of as nameless and faceless. It has reminded me that before I go using social media to whine or complain, I should remember to try to just find a way to communicate with whomever I am having an issue. 

6. Speaking of social media, someone posted this on a friend's facebook page the other day and it was a balm to my weary soul. I have sung this one several times, but not for many years. I've listened to it several times just today and each time have been grateful for such simple, yet profound lyrics.  I'm so grateful for all those involved in music who share their many talents that we can all feel within us.

7. We had more snow last night into much of today. I was exceedingly grouchy that we still had church this morning. I really want a snow day. One honest to goodness, don't even think about going anywhere snow day.  We've had lots of snow, and lots of cold, but nothing that anyone else seemed to deem worthy of shutting everything down for. Anyway, as I took my little black storm cloud to church with me, I realized that I was probably about to have wonderfully spiritual  church meetings. It seems that when I am grouchiest about being at a church meeting, that is when the spirit is the most present and I therefore have a choice. I need to get over myself and bask in the opportunity to learn and grow, or I can be grouchy and miserable for hours on end. Sunday School today was fantastic. It was the first time in a long time where everything was really clicking. I felt like the entire class was learning and growing together with the help of the Spirit. I suppose in the grand scheme of things that is worth far more than a snow day.

Pronouns

Lilyanna has had a much more difficult time with gender specific pronouns than any of our other kids.  Well, they all had the same trouble, but she's had it for much longer.  We've spent months trying to explain how to appropriately use pronouns.

On the way to church on Sunday it was like a light bulb went off in her head.  She started listing her friends, identifying their gender, and then assigning them the correct pronoun.  And she's gotten it right ever since.

Right this minute, I'm just glad she doesn't know any trans-gender people.  When she's got this totally down, she can figure out correct pronoun assignations on her own in those cases.  In the meantime we're going to stick to our misogynistic patriarchal plain old currently accepted American English versions.

"There's nothing more inconvenient than a queen with a head cold!"

The quote from above, in case you didn't recognize it, was uttered by Robert Preston's character in Victor Victoria and I think about it every time I get a cold. It helps me giggle through all of the not so fun symptoms.

While not entirely recovered from walking pneumonia that we contracted in August, we have managed to come down with head colds. The above picture, for the record, is no longer an accurate representation of things at our house. Although, in our early years of marriage, it was closer to the truth. ;)

Lilyanna and I are home sick from church today. She can't go into the nursery with her current symptoms and taking her to Sacrament Meeting without allowing her to go to nursery afterwards is the cruelest torture we could ever inflict upon her. Yes, we've tried it before.

She and I are celebrating the Sabbath here at home. We have a deal. I get to listen to a few chapters of scripture while she plays quietly, and then we get to watch a Veggie Tales episode while cuddling under a blanket.

And now I need to go find another tissue box.

Happy Sabbath!